Thursday, April 22, 2010

Confessions of a Potty Mouth Lampworker

I hesitate to post about this, but maybe my sad tale will help prevent another "newbie" lampworker from making my same mistake? LOL

When I first started learning how to make glass beads a few years ago, I liked to lurk on several on-line forums to read about all kinds of things relating to this subject (actually, I still like to lurk! ;-D). A certain weird word that I'd never heard before kept popping up—something along the lines of "f + ugly"—and was always used to describe really, really ugly beads that had gone horribly wrong. I immediately thought to myself that this word was specific to the lampworking industry and must mean something like "world's funniest, wonkiest and ugliest," so I began to refer to some of my own bead disasters in this manner.

A few weeks ago, I got to meet a new friend, Rachel, who was just starting out and she brought me some of her new beads to look at. My daughter Ashley was with me, and she quietly observed as Rachel and I proceeded to pick out and comment on her beads. We did a lot of laughing and I tried to encourage Rachel by telling her of what some of my first attempts looked like—we were having a good 'ol time. But when we said good-bye and Ashley and I were walking back to the car, she turned to me and asked me in a shocked tone,

"Mom, I can't believe you were saying that word so much with that lady! You guys must have said it like 20 times!! You DO know what that word means, right?!"

I was surprised and said, "Yeah, it's a funny word lampworkers use that means "really, really ugly bead!"

She paused, raised one eyebrow nearly to the top of her forehead and informed me that actually, that particular word was one that everyone in the whole world (but me!) knows is a combination of a really, really bad word + ugly!!

SAY, WHAT?!?!?

Now, please bear in mind that I have a sterling reputation with old friends and family of having a pristine vocabulary. I've probably only used a curse word 2 or 3 times my entire life—and the ones I used can be found in the Bible (not that it makes any better). Even if I wasn't a Christian, my natural tendency is to try and be as "ladylike" as possible, so using swear words has always been something I stayed away from. So you can only imagine my utter embarrassment and horror to discover that I've been innocently blabbering this very naughty word all over the place whenever I chatted with my lampworker friends?! EEK! When I got home, I immediately searched through all my posts on the forums and this blog, and thankfully, only found one instance of when I had typed it out. Needless to say, that post was edited with lightning speed! I only hope and pray I don't have anything else floating around in cyberspace like that?! :-o

So...that's my story and I'm stickin' to it! LOL I still find myself almost blurting that word out once in a while, simply because it's been so ingrained into my lampwork vocabulary these past several years. I'm gonna have to start carrying around a bar of soap if it looks like I can't lick this habit quickly! So to all my current and future glassy friends—I beg you—please, let's think up and use another word that is most definitely NOT a bad one, k? I have a reputation to uphold! *Ü*


  1. LMAO! Sorry. You *really* need to get out more....

  2. LOL - Lori I'm having laughter hissy fits here. That's really too hilarious.
    PS. I hope none of my comments is considered a curse word in the US. I'm sometimes lost in translation :)


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